Starbuck's cupcakes will NOT help you take over the world.

Walking into a Starbucks is like walking into a food magazine. Imagine yourself centered on the food case-it is filled with cupcakes, scones, pastries, salads, and oatmeals delight. The cupcakes in front of you look as good...no better..than the cupcakes you see in magazines. Better because there they are in front of you in all of their cupcake glory....frosting swirled so perfectly your mouth starts to drool.

This is what the cupcake says to me, "Buy me. Indulge yourself in one of the most decadent, moist, flavorful cupcakes in the whole entire world. What's twelve dollars anyway? I am worth it. You need me now. If you buy me, I will compliment that caramel machiatto and you will be happy and productive for the rest of the day and eventually you will TAKE OVER THE WORLD."

Starbuck the Cupcake

I give in to this cupcake as the cupcake's words are powerful. I even have the willpower to wait for the really slow Starbucks girl to mix my caramel macchiato. No worries, now it's just me and the cupcake, then the WORLD; because with this cupcake, today I will accomplish everything. *evily taps fingers together*

My first bite fills my mouth with

*hack, hack*...what the?! No, this is a mistake! Pfffpttthhh.... NEED ...WATER...

All of a sudden my mouth is attacked by a frosted sandbox. I feel my skin start to shrivel as I chug my coffee and now my mouth tastes like sand and burning and caramel. 

Wanting to salvage my faith in cupcakes and all things good, I decide that it must be a very old cupcake. The frosting will still be good.. I taste the frosting and am horribly disappointed because I am pretty sure they put Crisco into a frosting pouch, frosted the cupcake, and added sugar to the top.

This must be a mistake; the cashier surely gave me the display cupcake.

It is embarrasing to admit this, but I have been fooled by Starbuck the Cupcake time and time again, rationalizing differently each time.

It will be better this time...it's a different day;

I just saw them put them in the case;

I'm in a different city;

These are holiday cupcakes, therefore they must be fresh, etc.

You see, this visually perfect cupcake has superpowers. It causes you to make poor decisions so it can take over the world.

Next time I will not be fooled.. not me. Not again.

*All Starbuck's food seems to be made with desert (not dessert) sand and packed into a beautiful, seemingly decadent, package. The cupcake was just an example. You have been warned.