Boob assault

When you are showering or changing at the gym, there are a few things you should remember:

Not everyone is as comfortable with your body as you are. Now, I realize that I am probably overly neurotic when it comes to covering up my body as I enter/exit the showering area. I put the towel over my body prior to taking off any undergarments. I put undergarments on while balancing my towel. *This can be pretty tricky and often involves holding towel with teeth.

Okay, it is one thing to throw the towel off in your naked glory to begin dressing yourself. It is quite another to walk around the locker room naked, have lengthy conversations, put on your make-up, blow dry your hair, and stretch out a little more after your workout. Remember that Seinfeld where he describes 'good naked, bad naked?' The previous examples I have described are all bad nakeds. They violate those around you. It is very difficult to have a conversation with a naked person whilst their pubes are braiding themselves in front of you. (okay not really, but I have an active imagination)


Added bonus: You can assure that your make-up compliments your outfit and not get makeup on your shirt while putting it on!

Not everyone wants to know whether or not the carpet matches the drapes. Enough said.

When naked, your personal bubble and all others around you gets notably larger. Again, I realize that I am weird and probably have a large personal bubble to begin with; but it is very bad etiquette to start getting dressed right next to someone else when there are plenty of other spots available for your dressing pleasure.

Don't ever touch anyone with any body part of yours, not even to shake hands, while either of you are naked. I once was assaulted by a woman's boob. Seriously. She was violating all of the rules above when she swiftly turned in my direction. It was horrible. I felt like I was in a war movie when the music gets all dramatic and it's in slow-mo and I could see the boob coming but I couldn't do anything to stop it because life really doesn't go in slow motion. It was a large boob. *shudder* I think I may suffer PTSD from this boob-slap to my arm. It was terrifying. I need time to rest now.

Okay, I forgot about this one. I was about 8 or 9 and I was in a swimming pool locker room. I was getting ready for the pool as this woman props her leg up on the bench I was sitting on and does what? She commences to shave her southern region. Yes. Shaves it. In the middle of a locker room. In front of small children. Okay, that is all.